and my lips are UN-sealed

 i've always heard the quote "some things are better left unsaid." bullshit. bc things unsaid are unknown and the unknown is scary. never go into a situation scared. just talk it out. communication is key and thats how MATURE relationships last and develop.

you've changed...

i miss you. you're right in front of me and i feel like if i reached out to grab you i might slip on my own heart and hit the ground. would you notice? see me already fallen for you, reaching out my hand? i have so much to offer. to give. to share. trust in me. believe in me. we fear the unnecessary and push away what we, in our hearts, know is right. i wish you weren't so afraid of me. and every time you push me away it hurts more. i'm here and clearly i've made a statement so let me make an impact. on your thoughts. your body. your soul, spirit, and heart. i love you. but, i don't wanna be afraid anymore. but the more apprehensive you are, the more closed up i become. 

i miss you.

you're right here so it's not like i miss you physically. i miss you on the inside. i miss your attention. i miss your heart. i miss the one i once had to seek out and now im with the one that's always on the scene. you've become the people that you used to purposely distance yourself from. and you don't even notice. 

if you can't notice the change in yourself, how can you notice the change in me?

my heart grows heavy every time your phone goes off; because i know its her.

the one that once had nothing to hide now seems so secretive.

the one that used to give me all her spare time can't even seem to txt me back; not the way you do her.

i guess i'm wrapped up for nothing, because i'm not your girl.

so is it wrong for me to feel this way?

because for the past 7 months i have been. 

spoken.

unspoken.

written.

unwritten.

loud & quiet.

i was it. 

at the top. on your mind constantly

the only name in your inbox

and its as if now my name has no meaning.

no importance.

you say these things and i want soooo badly to believe. 

and its not that i dont.

but i'm finding it hard to give like i once did.

i need some type of confirmation.

i need some type of explanation.

i need...

you.
not just here. but the you that once made me smile.
the you that gave me hope.
the you that showed me that there were real people out here.
the you that taught me not to be afraid.
the you that helped me find me.

Me Ranting on FB today =]

so sometimes i just have these random thoughts and ideas and i just run w. em. so, guess you can call it ranting. these were my statuses so you've probably already seen them but if you got any, feel free to rant w. me!

ok
rant #1: s/n idk how many rants imma have today. but just like dudes talk about females havin "harajuku" "barbie" and "minaj" in their names [which i cant stand myself] why is like half my male friends on here named "marley-sumn" or "sumn marley?" ok you smoke ganja. clapping for you?? thats a fail too guys. get it togetha

Rant #2: photoshop is the devil. that is all

rant #3: as soon as i accept you, don't pop chat me and get on my damn nerves. we can talk but chilllll ouuuut. then once i delete you, you send me a message? hmmm. stalk much? FB ppl are OD.

rant #4: please dnt go thru and comment on allll my pictures saying the same thing "ooh sexy" or wateva the fxck. and dnt comment w. one word either! you coulda just kept "cute" to yourself.

rant #5: stop bein vultures on everybody status. as soon as you see "jane doe is single" all i read is "oh my god are you ok!??! wat happened?? call me please i LOVE YOU!" she already sad! leave her alone!!!

rant #6: please. and i mean PLEASE do NOT have whole conversations w. OTHER PPL on my pictures. statues. or links. if you gonna run ya mouth you could atleast talk to me. smh

rant #7: if you ever take anything i EVER say on here personal, then im probably talking about you. bahahahaha

Rant #8: do NOT and i repeat DO NOT request me to join a group called " i hate when the wind blows my hair to the left ughhh!" i will ignore. i will delete you. and i will smile about it. FB has some of the dumbest groups and even dumber people to create em and send em out. Lawrence Winston

Rant #9: if i see one more person cultivate a farm, flip a burger, or find a moose on my timeline im gonna SCREAM! shouldnt you be working or doin hmwk or something?! farmville and cafe world can NOT be that much fun. s/n: im prolly gonna stop ranting at 10 bc i know im hurting someone's feelings

Rant #10: just bc we used to see eachother in breakfast in HS does NOT mean i know you. im not rude but PLEASE dnt try to make my business your business unless I say so.

Rant #11: if i see one more coon say "waisted" instead of "wasted" i will PERSONALLY see to it that you are never allowed to drink.

what is this feeling? -oh love...[sighs]

so a very important person to me asked "what is this feeling...?" she was talkin about love, bein in love, and falling out of love. when it comes to this word, there are so many levels. everybody has their own definition and no two match perfectly. but to me, real love is bein able to take those two different definitions and combine them in such a way that it defines you two as a couple. a unit. love isn't a thing, a person, a place, or a feeling. it just is. so this was my answer to her...

"its a feeling that cant be explained or expressed verbally bc no word is sufficient enough. its a feeling of total joy. there is no such thing as falling out of love bc once you're in love it never stops. you can love w.out bein in love. but once you're in, you cant stop it.you just have to let it take its course and hope that the love is keepin you on the right track. dnt race to the finish line bc real love doesn't end. its not a race. its just a "something" between two people that cant be compared, explained, or shown. it just exists. and wen its real, people notice. so you're not fallin outta love. you're just discovering wat real love is."

there you go wifey...

your jacket...

let me be your jacket baby...
cuz its startin to get chilly outside and i kno you want something warm to slip into.
de-masculate yourself for a moment and let me wrap myself around you.
i'll be that something good for you to cling to.
& this aint no "one size fits all" type thing...
uh uh;
i was hiding in the racks waiting just for you.
i'm the PERFECT fit
& no, i don't unzip
i'm not that easy, so put a lil work in and unbutton that shxt!
pick me up
admire me
then let me fall over your shoulders.
feel me rub against your back
& watch me fall at your waist.
put your hands inside me and let them get a taste.
walk over to a mirror and check out how i can enhance you
fxck it, let the sales associate get a glance too...
i see you eying that other joint, but you know its not right
cuz you can rock w/ me all day & all night.
so put me on the counter
open me up and take one last look inside
just so you can verify that i got EXACTLY what you like.
i'm more than just a front, back, collar, and two sleeves...
way more than just a jacket;
i can fulfill your every want and need...

i just love music!

The lyrics impregnated me & now im left to harbor this growth of emotions w/in myself & bring them to life & share with the world. join w/ me as REAL MUSIC LOVERS to help this being that is fostering inside of me to grow and achieve the potential that it is capable of.help me with the re-birth of real music, for i carry it in my heart, soul, mind, and body and i cannot help it grow on its own.help me bring it to life

you just run across my mind...

so this isn't new either...june 6, 2009 c. 3 sumn in the morning lol

you just run across my mind

you just run across my mind

you just run across my mind

you just run across my mind...

are you tired yet?

bc you do it constantly.

always got me thinkin bout the possibilities.

how i wanna embrace your touch and let it run right thru me...

taste yur lips cuz i kno they'll have me shoutin "ooh wee..."

im feelin ya flow and im tryna let things go and work themselves out

but i can't help but let you kno that you're awakening something in me that is dying to be let out.

your words pourin like wine

sending chills down my spine and blowin my back out

so dominate.so strong.

i try to let it pass by me; playin blind.

but i can't seem to help it...

you just run across my mind...

breezy

so this aint new. its from June 5, 2009 just never posted bc i just started bloggin so yeaaa...enjoy

yu got me feelin breezy bby.

got me chillin and im lovin this feeling of no '"if" "and's" "but's" or "maybe's."

its like everything's just gravy

and yu got me feelin like maybe i do deserve to be treated like a lady.

got me callin yu baby.

i wanna get close; real deep.

so deep that i can feel yur heart beat.

im tryna be the creek in the forest; flowin thru yu.

pick yu up, flip yu, twist yu around and do yu like no other female would.

talk to yu like no other female could

and make you feel exactly how you kno you should.

i wanna talk w/ you; have your words fill me up like a waitress and an empty cup.

i wanna walk wit you

spark up a lil passion after dark wit you

chill out and look at the stars

become engulfed w/ intensity and float around mars wit you

i just wanna be...

be here, be there,

runnin up ya spine and runnin thru ya hair.

now idk wat you're here to do & i aint got nothin to prove,

but ever since your grand entrance all i can do is "ooh..."

ooh good and ooh bad

ooh in the morning and ooh at night wishing i had wat you got.

now, i aint tryna blow up ya spot but, baby, you got me hot;

and im not tryna go overboard but now im sittin down, lookin back thinking "damn my situation is wack."

but wat if things were different?

could it be?

would it be?

should it be?

and how would you kno?

thats why i keep my feelings close, never toast to the "shoulda" "coulda" "woulda's" but raise my glass high to the "will be's" so i hold it up to you cuz i kno that you "will be."

you already are and you're a part of me and i don't even know what you do.

hopefully you're not a tourist; just passin thru cuz you're givin me every reason to keep you throughout the seasons and build on our foundation

get lost and create our own lil nation and just ride;

chill out catch a vibe and let loose

get free and blow thru the trees

cuz you got me feelin breezy baby

got me chillin and im lovin this feelin of no "if" "and's" "but's" or "maybe's"

everything is wavy

and you better believe now that you're here, i'm riding this one wit you...

illegal

so this is called Illegal fa the simple fact that i used lines from a j.Lo song called "Dear Ben" so im pretty sure...this is ILLEGAL. but fuck it. i just did this in fun while i got bored in class. all the parts in quotation marks are lyrics from the song. everything else is ALLL ME. enjoy.

"i love you"

and there's nothing that could ever change that.

the way you make me feel reminds me of the first time i heard hip hop wayyy back.

you showered me w/ your beauty and my skin began to glisten.

shit, sometimes i say things to hear yu talk just so i can listen bc i think

"you're perfect"

you and everything you do puts me under some kinda trance;

thats that voodoo.

your very touch makes my soul dance.

i didnt know that it was possible to make me feel the way that you do.

got me lovedrunk like i been sippin on lean and it can only be compared to

"a manifestation of my dreams. you make my body feel about a million different things."

things that can only be explained by illegible poems and understood by those on the same high.

every touch, kiss, and embrace makes my heart begin to race and before i can slow down the pace i realize its too late and i've EXPLODED.

soaking you inas you whisper at me to come down i think we both begin to realize the neighbors can hear the sound.

but fuck it; it don't even matter b/c ever since i met you i think my ass has gotten fatter.

"there's no way i'd leave you; it's just not a reality."

but then again, everything seems so unreal.

from the way we met to the very way you make me feel...

sometimes its hard to grasp but there's no other way i'd rather have it.

"sometimes i feel like im living in a fantasy..."

new job

so i got a new job...if yu wanna call it that. im basically helping a student around campus bein his personal assistant. he's disabled. confined to a wheelchair and cant use his hands at all. so my job is to get him around campus to his classes and take his notes. now as tiring as this may seem, this is prolly the easiest and best job i've ever had. i make a decent wage per hour. and get 50 extra dollars a week on top of that JUST to take his notes. cant beat it wit a stick. so im def. not complainin at all. i think more ppl should get involved and help others. besides the money, the job is extremely rewarding =] can we say paper chasinnnn??

an experience;;

every conversation we have is like sex to me

wen yu open yur mouth its like foreplay

yur words begin to stroke every sensitive part of my soul and give me this tinglin sensation

and i become mesmerized by the very pronunciation of the words yu speak

and as the conversation gets deeper

and deeper

and deeper

i suck yu in

and i indulge in every ounce of yu

and the better it gets it becomes orgasmic

and not only does my body shake

but yu send my mind on a whirlwind

and before i kno it

yur words give me a sensation that can only be compared to an orgasm

and then im fulfilled

FRiENDSHiP;;

so does anybody remember wen friendship was that easy? as simple as a pinky promise or sitting down and sharing yur lunch. those were the good days i guess. but as we grow those simple days slowly begin to fade away. we grown into our own and suddenly that bond that used to be so tight has weakened and begins to drift into sumn unknown. at one point all the secrets ya'll used to share became secrets that yu witheld from one another and within a blink of an eye that perfect vision of friendship is blurred like me tryna see w/o my contacts lol. i think its so funny how things change. one minute yu think that yu got yur right hand. yur ace. that one person that would never let yu down. and then they pull a fast one that makes yu look at them completely different. so wat does friendship really mean? and wen the attempt to make it go beyond friendship is taken how do yu react? especially if thats not in yur itinerary...wen the awkwardness arises between a duo that was never more comfortable with anyone else do yu keep playin like everything is ok or do yu leave it alone and just wait for it to all blow over? i wish i could fully express to yu just how ANGRY i am wit yu. no matter wat imma love yu but HOW COULD YU? yu had the audacity to smile in our faces and pretend everything was cool all the while havin underlyin intentions. i guess i cant fault yu fa wat yu did. but how yu did it was completely incorrect. i can fault yu for making it awkward. for changin the entire basis of our friendship for basically 4eva. maybe im overreacting. but i highly doubt it. and the sad thing is yu will prolly never kno bc yu think wat yu did was ok. but its wateva. so i really wanna kno...wat does bein a best friend mean nowadays?? 

just sumn to think about...

CONFUSiON:// WEN yU DK RiGHT FROM LEFT ANyMORE AND WEN yU FiND RiGHT,,iT JUST DOESNT SEEM AS RiGHT ANyMORE. WEN yU DK iF yUR COMiN OR GOiN, AND THOUGH THAT WAS ONCE EXCiTiNG AND THRiLLiNG, iS NO LONGER OKAY. WEN EVERyBODy THAT ENTERS yUR LiFE && FOR SOME REASON DECiDES TO LEAVE, TAKES A SPECiAL PART OF yU WiTH THEM && yU BEGiN TO SLOWLy LOSE yURSELF W/ EACH "PASSER-By"yU DK WHO yU R ANyMORE && DK WHERE TO BEGiN THE SEARCH OF "FiNDiNG" yURSELF...AND FOR ONCE iN yUR LiFE; GOOGLE DOESNT WORK. LOST:// THATS WAT yU ARE. yU BEGiN TO FEEL ALONE. iN THE DARK WiTH A FLASHLiGHT AND DEAD BATTERiES. LiKE THE WORLD iS WORKiNG AGAiNST yU AND yU CANT FOR THE LiFE OF yU FiGURE OUT WHy. WEN "WHy" iS THE ONLy QUESTiON yU CAN SEEM TO UTTER, AND EVEN THAT HAS NO MEANiNG B/C iT SEEMS TO HAVE NO ANSWER. EVERy TURN yU TAKE iS iN THE RiGHT DiRECTiON TO NOWHERE AND LiFE BEGiNS TO BLUR.yU WALK ON EGGSHELLS B/C yU SO BADLy WANT THiNGS TO BE RiTE, BUT yUR TiRED OF BEiN SAFE;;TiRED OF LiViNG FOR OTHERS [[THATS NOT LiViNG]];;TiRED OF BEiN UNHAPPy iN THiS WORLD. iN yUR OWN SKiN;;SO yU BREAK FREE && YUR FOUND AGAiN. yUR yUR OWN PERSON && EVERyTHiNG FEELS SOOO RiGHT. yU'VE ACHiEVED yUR EUPHORiA && NOTHiNG iN THiS WORLD CAN BRiNG yU DOWN. yUR HiGH. HiGH ON HAPPiNESS. LOVE. FULFiLLMENT && JOy. CLOUD 9 iS 3 CLOUDS BENEATH yU.iTS A PROCESS;;LiFE, THAT iS...AND NO MAN HAS EVER ACHiEVED GREATNESS W/O HAViNG ATLEAST ON FOOT ON THE BRiNK OF iNSANiTY. CONFUSiON CAN CAUSE yU TO LOSE YUR MiND!!...&& iTS O K A y !! LOSE iT!! GO CRAZY!! iT ONLy MEANS yUR H U M A N...SO BE HUMAN! GET CONFUSED B/C iF yU DNT, yU WiLL CONTiNUE TO LiVE iN iGNORANCE...&& iGNORANCE AiNT BLiSS, AS THEy SAy. iN ORDER TO ACHiVE TRU BLiSS yU HAVE TO LiVE FOR yURSELF. KNO WAT MAKES yU HAPPy[[&& KEEPS yU HAPPy]] && WAT DOESNT. iF iT DOES, KEEP iT AROUND. iF NOT, GET RiD OF iT. iF iT HAS POTENTiAL, DNT PUSH iT AWAy B/C yU NEVER KNO WAT yU MiTE LOSE. FiND yUR TRU HAPPiNESS. yU MAY HAVE BEEN LOST, BUT EVERyONE GETS FOUND AGAiN. iTS OK TO BE LOST. CONFUSED. FEEL LONELy. NEGLECTED. ABUSED. SAD && DOWNRiGHT BROKEN. ONCE yU REALiZED THAT yU DNT HAVE ..OR.. DESERVE TO FEEL THAT WAy, yUR ALREADy ON THE ROAD TO FiNDiNG yURSELF AND FULFiLLiNG yUR OWN UTOPiA....

el-oh-vee-e

LOVE...LOVELOVELOVELOVELOVE...TO WAT DO i SAy ABOUT THEE?? yU ARE ONE SNEAKy...NOUN?? THE ONLy WORD THAT SUiTS yU B/C NOBODy KNOWS iF yUR A SPECiFiC PERSON,PLACE,OR THiNG...yU ARE SOOO TRiCKy!! EVERyBODy HAS ENCOUNTERED yU IN SOME WAy, SHAPE, OR FORM ATLEAST ONCE iN THEiR LiFETiME BUT NOBODy CAN DEFiNE yU;;DESCRiBE WAT yU LOOK LiKE...NOT EVEN WEBSTER'S DEFiNiTiON LiVES UP TO THE EXPERiENCES PEOPLE HAVE HAD WiTH yU. WAT i DO KNO iS THAT yU ARE SO SELFiSH. HOW DARE yU WRAP ME UP iN yU??TAKE My HEART AS yUR HOSTAGE AND DO WAT yU WiLL WiTH iT?? yU HAVE MADE ME FEEL iNDESCRiBABLE AND UNiMAGiNABLE THiNGS AND ONLy yU, LOVE, HAVE THAT POWER. BUT HOLD ON NOW LOVE, B/C THE POWER THAT yU HAVE iS NOTHiNG COMPARED TO THE POWER THAT US FOOLS GiVE yU. WELL FiLL OURSELVES WiTH LOVE, AND BEFORE WE KNOW iT, yUR iN US. LOVE...i THiNK i NEED TO TELL yU ABOUT yURSELF B/C SOME DAyS yU HAVE ME ON THE HiGHEST OF HiGHS;; && OTHERS, yU LEAVE ME ALONE,BROKEN,TORN APART AND TO THE POiNT WHERE THERE ARE TiMES i WiSH i COULD WRAP My SKiNNy FiNGERS AROUND yU AND LEAVE yU HOW yU'VE LEFT ME ON MANy NiGHTS;;LO. && yU KNO WAT i SAy TO yU?? FUCK yU!! FUCK yU, LOVE! yU CANT JUS COME iNTO My LiFE AND DiSTORT My ViEW OF THiNGS. yU CANT JUST OPEN ME UP AND LEAVE ME...DRy;;THiRSTiN FOR MORE. SO FUCK yU LOVE! WAT HAVE yU DONE FOR ME? BESiDES CONFUSE ME CONSTANTLy...BESiDES KEEP ME AWAKE DURiNG THE NiGHT? BESiDES MAKE ME SiCK TO My STOMACH AT THE THOUGHT OF LOSiNG yU? FUCK yU, LOVE B/C yU DNT DO A DAMN THiNG FOR ME...EXCEPT,
HOLD ME CLOSE AT NiGHT.BUT FORGET ALL THAT...WHy SHOULD i PRAiSE yU? GiVE yU GLORy B/C yU ENTER AND LEAVE My LiFE WHENEVER yU CHOOSE? i THiNK NOT! yU DNT GiVE ME ANyTHiNG EXCEPT THE RUN AROUND;;OOOH, BUT WEN iM RUNNiN W/ yU, LOVE, i NEVER WANT TO STOP. yU GET ME ON THiS HEROiNE-HiGH AND i NEVER WANT iT TO END;;BUT WEN iT DOES, WiTHDRAWALS ARE A MOTHAFUCKA. DAMN yU LOVE!! WHy MUST yU PLAy THESE MiND GAMES?? GOT ME UNABLE TO SEE THiNGS iN THE LiGHT...OR DARK;;
THATS My WORLD WiTHOUT yU.yUR LiKE My BEST FRiEND, AND i DNT EVER WANT THiS THiNG WE GOT TO END, LOVE...SO i NEED yU TO STOP; STOP PLAyiN HiDE AND SEEK B/C My HEART, DESPiTE WAT yU MAy THiNK, iS NOT A GAME. SO WAT iN THE HELL ELSE DO yU DO FOR ME, LOVE? BESiDES LEAVE ME NOTHiN BUT MASCARA AND TEARSTAiNS ON My PiLLOWCASES TO WAKE UP TO?
[LAUGH] yU WASH THOSE CASES....WASH EM AND COOK ME BREAKFAST AND MAKE ME FEEL LiKE iM A QUEEN AND AT THAT TiME AND PLACE, THERE'S NOWHERE ELSE i'D RATHER BE THAN iN THAT MOMENT WiTH yU, LOVE. 1+2=2 && THAT 2 iS ME AND yU BABy! && OOH, NO ONE CAN DO yU THE WAy THAT i DO, LOVE [WiNKS]. BBy, WEN WE iNTERTWiNE WE'RE LiKE THAT FAMOUS LiNE FROM "BROWN SUGAR"...yU KNO THE ONE;;
"A PERFECT VERSE OVER A TiGHT BEAT,"...HyPNOTiZiNG;;MELODiC. WEN yU COME iNTO ME, LOVE, iTS A CONTiNUOUS ERUPTiON
&&iNEVERWANTiTTOSTOP [HEAVy BREATHiNG]...[SiGHS] BUT iT DOES && AGAiN iM LEFT WEAK;; yEARNiNG FOR MORE && SCREAMiNG AT THE TOP OF My LUNGS "FUCK yU LOVE!!!" ALL THE WHiLE WiSHiN yU WOULD COME BACK. i FiNALLy GiVE UP ALL HOPE AND DECiDE NO MORE!! i WONT LET yU COME BACK...WONT LET yU DO THiS TO ME ANyMORE...&& THEN yU CALL;; && THEN yUR THERE && iM iN yUR ARMS AGAiN. CAUGHT UP iN THE RAPTURE OF yU AND PREPARiN MySELF FOR yU ALL OVER AGAiN, LOVE. i CANT STOP;; && i DNT WANT TO. [LAUGHS] WHy MUST WE PLAY THESE GAMES? i COMPLETE THAT CiRCLE iN yU && yU KNO yU NEED ME JUS AS MUCH AS i DNT WANNA ADMiT THAT i NEED yU. BUT yUR SO SELFiSH SOMETiMES yU DNT EVEN SEE iT AND yU JUS WANNA CONTROL ME LiKE SOME TOy CAR, SO yU KNO WAT?? i LOVE yU, LOVE, BUT FUCK yU..................iM SRRy...i SHOULDNT TALK TO yU LiKE THAT...[DEEP SiGH] HERE WE GO AGAiN....

Addicted

this is something like the illest shit i ever wrote
cuz baby yur something like the illest kush i never smoked
my dutch;i get it; split it; fill it up with youinhale; hold it in and begin to choke on your synonyms metaphors nouns and adverbs
somthing like the illest shit you ever spoke.
i exhale and try to see thru the smoke as my thoughts blur
tryna figure out exactly what it is about her.
she got my mind gone.
its my system that yur in.
needles and pins pins and needles i stick in my arm to inject yur passion in my veins
you take me over
my body your kingdom and over it, you reign.l
iquid crack;im hooked and i can't go back.
tying up and cutting off my circulation all the while floating in my own lil nation; thinking about you.
my high coming down and alone i coast when you leave my system.
ready for my next fix;so i pour you in my cupgot me leaninim so f_cked up off you i swear that im dreamin
lingerin on the feeling of the icy glass to my lips;somthing like the sweetest kiss.
i sit back and reminisce about the first time,how i put you on my table and admired your fine lines.
through my canal yu shot,you hit my spot and instantly pleased me in every aspect.
using my connect; tryna get thru to you.
wanting you to get over here and do what you do.
you're always on call anytime day or night making my body feel just right
making my mind soar and my very essence take flight.
body shaking violently tryna figure out just how you do this to me.
then im coming down.
i crash.
and then i burn.
its for you that i yearn.
without you there's no me.
i need to kno, how could we let this be?
everytime you leave me i get sick.
now i see that i cant quit;
im addicted.