you've changed...

i miss you. you're right in front of me and i feel like if i reached out to grab you i might slip on my own heart and hit the ground. would you notice? see me already fallen for you, reaching out my hand? i have so much to offer. to give. to share. trust in me. believe in me. we fear the unnecessary and push away what we, in our hearts, know is right. i wish you weren't so afraid of me. and every time you push me away it hurts more. i'm here and clearly i've made a statement so let me make an impact. on your thoughts. your body. your soul, spirit, and heart. i love you. but, i don't wanna be afraid anymore. but the more apprehensive you are, the more closed up i become. 

i miss you.

you're right here so it's not like i miss you physically. i miss you on the inside. i miss your attention. i miss your heart. i miss the one i once had to seek out and now im with the one that's always on the scene. you've become the people that you used to purposely distance yourself from. and you don't even notice. 

if you can't notice the change in yourself, how can you notice the change in me?

my heart grows heavy every time your phone goes off; because i know its her.

the one that once had nothing to hide now seems so secretive.

the one that used to give me all her spare time can't even seem to txt me back; not the way you do her.

i guess i'm wrapped up for nothing, because i'm not your girl.

so is it wrong for me to feel this way?

because for the past 7 months i have been. 

spoken.

unspoken.

written.

unwritten.

loud & quiet.

i was it. 

at the top. on your mind constantly

the only name in your inbox

and its as if now my name has no meaning.

no importance.

you say these things and i want soooo badly to believe. 

and its not that i dont.

but i'm finding it hard to give like i once did.

i need some type of confirmation.

i need some type of explanation.

i need...

you.
not just here. but the you that once made me smile.
the you that gave me hope.
the you that showed me that there were real people out here.
the you that taught me not to be afraid.
the you that helped me find me.

Me Ranting on FB today =]

so sometimes i just have these random thoughts and ideas and i just run w. em. so, guess you can call it ranting. these were my statuses so you've probably already seen them but if you got any, feel free to rant w. me!

ok
rant #1: s/n idk how many rants imma have today. but just like dudes talk about females havin "harajuku" "barbie" and "minaj" in their names [which i cant stand myself] why is like half my male friends on here named "marley-sumn" or "sumn marley?" ok you smoke ganja. clapping for you?? thats a fail too guys. get it togetha

Rant #2: photoshop is the devil. that is all

rant #3: as soon as i accept you, don't pop chat me and get on my damn nerves. we can talk but chilllll ouuuut. then once i delete you, you send me a message? hmmm. stalk much? FB ppl are OD.

rant #4: please dnt go thru and comment on allll my pictures saying the same thing "ooh sexy" or wateva the fxck. and dnt comment w. one word either! you coulda just kept "cute" to yourself.

rant #5: stop bein vultures on everybody status. as soon as you see "jane doe is single" all i read is "oh my god are you ok!??! wat happened?? call me please i LOVE YOU!" she already sad! leave her alone!!!

rant #6: please. and i mean PLEASE do NOT have whole conversations w. OTHER PPL on my pictures. statues. or links. if you gonna run ya mouth you could atleast talk to me. smh

rant #7: if you ever take anything i EVER say on here personal, then im probably talking about you. bahahahaha

Rant #8: do NOT and i repeat DO NOT request me to join a group called " i hate when the wind blows my hair to the left ughhh!" i will ignore. i will delete you. and i will smile about it. FB has some of the dumbest groups and even dumber people to create em and send em out. Lawrence Winston

Rant #9: if i see one more person cultivate a farm, flip a burger, or find a moose on my timeline im gonna SCREAM! shouldnt you be working or doin hmwk or something?! farmville and cafe world can NOT be that much fun. s/n: im prolly gonna stop ranting at 10 bc i know im hurting someone's feelings

Rant #10: just bc we used to see eachother in breakfast in HS does NOT mean i know you. im not rude but PLEASE dnt try to make my business your business unless I say so.

Rant #11: if i see one more coon say "waisted" instead of "wasted" i will PERSONALLY see to it that you are never allowed to drink.

what is this feeling? -oh love...[sighs]

so a very important person to me asked "what is this feeling...?" she was talkin about love, bein in love, and falling out of love. when it comes to this word, there are so many levels. everybody has their own definition and no two match perfectly. but to me, real love is bein able to take those two different definitions and combine them in such a way that it defines you two as a couple. a unit. love isn't a thing, a person, a place, or a feeling. it just is. so this was my answer to her...

"its a feeling that cant be explained or expressed verbally bc no word is sufficient enough. its a feeling of total joy. there is no such thing as falling out of love bc once you're in love it never stops. you can love w.out bein in love. but once you're in, you cant stop it.you just have to let it take its course and hope that the love is keepin you on the right track. dnt race to the finish line bc real love doesn't end. its not a race. its just a "something" between two people that cant be compared, explained, or shown. it just exists. and wen its real, people notice. so you're not fallin outta love. you're just discovering wat real love is."

there you go wifey...