Writer's Block

wow.
where do i begin?
its been so long since i've had a date w. my mistress that i've forgotten proper etiquette.
do i tell her how much i've missed her?
"no, no excuses," she says.
my work schedule and social life never used to be an issue, why ignore her now?
maybe i should start by telling her how much i love her.
she begins to crumble as if i've filled her w. some sort of fiction;
i'd much rather be her fantasy.
my friend, my love, my confidant, my everything, i have ignored you for entirely too long, and i'm sorry.
at one point the mere thought of you was exciting enough.
you've inspired me in ways unimaginable and at the drop of a dime i abandoned you;
neglected you and let you sit on my shelf as some sort of decoration or trophy.
today, i pull you down, open you wide and fill you up in a way only i know how.
you see, somewhere i lost my focus and as i dive deep back inside of you i realize that you were the focus i   needed all along.
humor me, and tell me that you still love me too...
as i rub my hands across your outer shell and indulge in a passionate kiss between ink and pad my heart proclaims "its back!"
my muse;
i give to you my mind, body, and soul to use at your will.
alas, you have returned and have my undivided attention.

i love you.

and my lips are UN-sealed

 i've always heard the quote "some things are better left unsaid." bullshit. bc things unsaid are unknown and the unknown is scary. never go into a situation scared. just talk it out. communication is key and thats how MATURE relationships last and develop.

you've changed...

i miss you. you're right in front of me and i feel like if i reached out to grab you i might slip on my own heart and hit the ground. would you notice? see me already fallen for you, reaching out my hand? i have so much to offer. to give. to share. trust in me. believe in me. we fear the unnecessary and push away what we, in our hearts, know is right. i wish you weren't so afraid of me. and every time you push me away it hurts more. i'm here and clearly i've made a statement so let me make an impact. on your thoughts. your body. your soul, spirit, and heart. i love you. but, i don't wanna be afraid anymore. but the more apprehensive you are, the more closed up i become. 

i miss you.

you're right here so it's not like i miss you physically. i miss you on the inside. i miss your attention. i miss your heart. i miss the one i once had to seek out and now im with the one that's always on the scene. you've become the people that you used to purposely distance yourself from. and you don't even notice. 

if you can't notice the change in yourself, how can you notice the change in me?

my heart grows heavy every time your phone goes off; because i know its her.

the one that once had nothing to hide now seems so secretive.

the one that used to give me all her spare time can't even seem to txt me back; not the way you do her.

i guess i'm wrapped up for nothing, because i'm not your girl.

so is it wrong for me to feel this way?

because for the past 7 months i have been. 

spoken.

unspoken.

written.

unwritten.

loud & quiet.

i was it. 

at the top. on your mind constantly

the only name in your inbox

and its as if now my name has no meaning.

no importance.

you say these things and i want soooo badly to believe. 

and its not that i dont.

but i'm finding it hard to give like i once did.

i need some type of confirmation.

i need some type of explanation.

i need...

you.
not just here. but the you that once made me smile.
the you that gave me hope.
the you that showed me that there were real people out here.
the you that taught me not to be afraid.
the you that helped me find me.